3 solid steps to make a new friend
Konstantin Starodetskii
When I moved to Los Angeles from New York, the first thing I've noticed that no one really uses a subway or busses because the majority of people drive cars. Everything is designed for vehicles, multiple freeways, various drive-thru restaurants, and a lot of parking structures that seem to take more square-footage than houses for human beings. All this combined creates a sense of isolation for people who inhabit this wonderful city of opportunities.
Unfortunately, this situation creates an unhealthy environment to make friends. If you live in Burbank and you meet someone who lives in Santa Monica, you should have a rather solid reason to meet that person physically. You wouldn't waste 2 hours in traffic for your round trip. That is sad, but many people who live in Los Angeles notice that.
So, what should you do if you have no time to spend on commute just to meet someone for a coffee? I’ll take you through the 3-step process from how to find time for meeting people to how to become friends with them.
Step 1: Meet a potential friend.
Sundays and mornings before 6 AM are your best helpers. These are the best slots of time that would allow you to get to any part of the city in about 30 minutes. Plus, on Sundays, parking is free in most of the places. Find a person who you would like to connect with and schedule a meeting with them in one of the time windows mentioned above.
To save your time, I’ve created a script that you can use to approach a potential friend:
Hi [Person’s Name],
Let me know if you'd be interested in meeting up over coffee or a hike. I’d love to connect sometime to learn more about some of the projects you have coming up and to share how I think I could help. I’m available on [DAY & TIME] and [DAY & TIME], which one works best for you?
If one person can't meet this week, find another candidate and send them the same message. Do that until you find a person who’s ready to meet you. When you come to meet the person arrive at least 5 minutes early, you’re the one who did the invitation so if you’re late it tells another person that you don’t respect their time. Be early.
Now, when you meet the person, just be yourself, and have a fun conversation. Speak the way that is comfortable for you. When you end the meeting, mention the person's name as you say bye. One of the best sounds for a human being is the sound of his own name. Show that you care.
Step 2: Meet the person from Step 1 every week
Building a friendship is a process you can not force someone to become your friend. What you can do is to make sure that you meet your potential friend regularly. When we were growing up, we were naturally making new friends because other peers always surrounded us.
Kindergarten, High-School, University are the great incubators for making new friends. Because we are required to go to these institutions at least 5 days a week, that's why it's important to create your own system that would allow you to meet your friend regularly. When both of you have a mutual habit of meeting one another it becomes normal and, eventually, transforms into a friendship
Step 3: Meet new people together
After spending a few months in building your friendship, you've developed an individual bond. You know a lot about one another, and you’ve seen each other in different moods. There’s a sense of comfort when you’re with a person who you’ve spent several months with. You’ll have much more fun meeting new people in a new environment because both of you would be in your private insider's club.
This is an excellent opportunity to learn more about your friend. Observe how your soon-to-be friend behaves with other people, and how other people react back. If everything that you see satisfies you then, congratulations, you can officially call each other friends. If not, go to step 1.
Otherwise, now that you have a new friend, keep having regular meetings, and explore the world together. Reinforce your friendships by enjoying good times together and show support during bad times. Remember, a good friendship is not eternal. You have to regularly maintain it because if you not, you may lose your friend. A true friend becomes a family to you, and that is the best award you can receive for being a good friend yourself. Protect your friendship, and you’ll have a happy life.
